Article by Kim (Editor of KInk-E magazine)
www. KInk-E.com
We often hear people in the scene talking about this Master or that Mistress, this Dom or that Domme, we hear good things and bad things, things to make our hair stand on end, things to make us laugh and things to make us cry.Of course believing everything bad you hear, is not a good idea, as many statements come from rumours and hearsay.
It’s not only bad things we
hear though, word of mouth recommendations are usually accurate, and so if
someone tells you that Master X or Mistress Y is a good Dominant, then you
could reasonably expect that to be close to the truth.
So what is it that makes a
good Dominant – what qualities does a person need to wear such a label?
A good dominant does not
have to blow His own trumpet – he just “IS”. He doesn’t have to demand respect,
He gets that anyway, He doesn’t have to announce to the world who He is,
because His reputation and the respect of His peers precede Him.
Of course there is much more
to it than a simple quote – the qualities in a good Dominant are many and
varied and in reality the qualities are really attributed to the PERSON – by
that i mean that a particular man (or woman) is a good Dominant because He or
She possesses qualities that are the essence of a good person.
A good person has qualities
such as kindness and consideration, empathy and sympathy, politeness and
respect of others, honesty and ethics, and probably many more that could be
added to this list.
It is those qualities which
give a person the character, personality and skills to be good at anything he
or she does, whether it be a career, family, or dominance – or submission for
that matter.
A good Dominant will not read
a few pages on the internet, have a look through a book and then declare
himself an experienced master with
many years experience and several “trained submissives” under his belt.
Most good Dominants have
taken the time and trouble to attend workshops and seminars and have perhaps
had lessons from or sought advice from other Dominants more experienced than
themselves.
There are many so called
Dominants who do not know the difference between being dominant and being
domineering.
A domineering person thinks
that it is all about “being in charge” no matter what. Domineering people are
often overbearing, loud and tyrannical – yes they exercise control, but it is
done in an oppressive way, they are unjust and severe in their treatment of the
people around them and their control is often enforced with threats of physical
punishment and with no thought for anyone but themselves.
On the other hand, a Dominant
person also exercises complete control but it is done in a more subtle way,
with influences and thoughts rather than threats and physical punishments.
Dominants care about the
people around them, and though they can be authoritarian and powerful, they
have the utmost respect for others and a high level of care and consideration.
So a good Dominant, takes
responsibility for the submissive or submissives in His life, he controls them
and dominates them, but He is empathetic to them and sympathetic to their
needs, understanding that for any submissive to give their best, they must be
secure and confident in their submission.
A good Dominant is respectful
of others, both submissive and dominant, and is not too proud to ask for advice
or help if it is needed.
A good Dominant is the one
whose name comes up in conversation time and time again, he is the one who is
sought out for advice, or help.
He is the one who other
Dominants aspire to be like, he is a role model to up and coming Dominants, and
he is the one that many submissives would like to belong to.
A good Dominant is popular
within the scene and makes time for everyone, and more importantly, does not
belittle others, no matter what he may think. He treats everyone with respect
and kindness, but does not suffer fools and is not afraid to speak his mind and
tell someone off should it be necessary.
He also tries to be
non-political, as far as is possible, not entering into arguments or
disagreements, but instead is more likely to act as a pacifier and an
arbitrater in an effort to diffuse the situation rather than inflame it.
And of course with this,
comes the “tall poppy” syndrome.
There are jealous people in
every group or society, people who are consumed with it and who will try to
discredit someone at every opportunity.
Most good Dominants simply
ignore the criticisms and barbs aimed at them, as they are secure in themselves
and know that fires without fuel will eventually die.
From a personal point of
view, belonging to a Master whom many consider to be a “good dominant” and
being well respected and high profile within the scene, also affects me and my
life with Him.
I have to constantly share
Him with others who need or want His attention. I have to understand that when
we are out, people will gather around Him, He seems to draw people to him no
matter where we are.
I also have to be very
careful of any comments or actions of my own, as my behaviour is a direct
reflection on Him.
I am often asked by other
submissives what life is like with Master Joe…
Is He tyrannical and
pedantic? Is He unreasonable? Is the D/s as good as you thought it would be?
The answer is - yes He can be
tyrannical, and pedantic and on occasions unreasonable, but tempered with that
is the underlying caring and compassion and the fact that He is not
thoughtless, or oppressive in His Domination. He simply wants things done His
way, and if i conform to that, and conform to how He wishes me to behave, then
there is never a problem.
He has taught me through
encouragement and thought association, and not through threats of punishment or
domineering behaviour. He does not say “My way or the highway” but more “My way, but we can discuss it and I will
explain it so that you understand what is I am asking of you”
i have been with a domineering
man who thought he was a Dominant.
This person convinced me that
he knew it all, that he was experienced and had trained other submissives before
me. He convinced me that there was no need to mix with others at events as that
was for ‘newbies’ and was boring for anyone of his standard. How is that for
arrogance!
He had me on an emotional
roller coaster for 8 months with no care or consideration for my feelings and
my submission, just what he could get out of it. His punishments were harsh –
and i know now, also dangerous.
There is a big difference
between someone such as him, and my Master – they are worlds apart.
And to answer ‘is the D/s
as good as i thought it would be’….. It
is far better than i thought it would be – and i have learned many things about
myself and my life.
There is no door except the
one through which He can lead me. There is no end to this relationship as it is
a never ending journey with so many new things to see and learn along the way.
So in conclusion, I can say
that in my opinion, a good Dominant is the one who is looked up to by his peers
and sought out by Dominants and submissives alike, for friendship, and advice.
He is well respected and well liked due to his nature and personality, and
gives much of himself to others.
And he doesn’t have to blow
his own trumpet!
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Article by Kim (Editor of KInk-E magazine)
Property of Master Joe
©2007
Kim allso writes other articels for Kink-E magazine
www.Kink-E.com.au