ALTcoach

In other words, the partners got together, put together through trial and error the rules and conditions that worked for them, and only then wrote them up as a formal contract.

The main exception to this rule I have personally observed is where an experienced dominant (or sometimes an experienced submissive) has a working slave contract that sie has lived with successfully in the past with other partners, and it is adapted to the new relationship.

A set of slave rules or a contract that is used as the core trust basis of a relationship tends not to work as well in my experience if it is more of a list of New Year's resolutions of what you want to have in the relationship rather than a practical model of what already works for you. New Year's resolutions can get broken and laughed off. Core level trust can't. Know the difference.

4. Openness for re-negotiation - Some couples I know read their contract over on a yearly, twice yearly or even monthly basis, and renegotiate what is and isn't working. Sometimes changes are made, sometimes they aren't; but a contract that does not take into consideration the changing needs and circumstances of two growing people is more likely to break than to flex and survive.

Sample circumstances in which a contract might need to change: illness or accident leading to disability, the birth of a child, gaining or losing a job or income, uncovering or working through emotional traumas, a change in living circumstances, etc.

Ignoring these things and trying to live by rules that have been severely impacted by lifestyle changes is less likely to work than a simple renegotiation - or in the case of a TPE, unilateral decision to change the conditions of the relationship according to the new circumstances as necessary.

A corollary to being open for re-negotiation is input from both partners. In the case of a TPE, the submissive partner does not have any decision making power per se over the new circumstances of the relationship, but a responsible dominant will be taking input from the slave in any case by hir assessment and judgement.

These criteria for a working slave contract aren't so very different from the expectations in a completely vanilla marriage - honesty, realism, compatibility, listening to your partner and being willing to negotiate.

One of the unwritten and damaging myths in our community (along with the existence of a One True Manual Of Proper Slave Positions) is that since we are so different from the vanillas, we can throw out all the old rules and expectations entirely.

Certai nly we can modify them to suit our needs as BDSMr's, but when we discard the most basic principles of human relationships and claim that there are no rules at all that apply to us, we do so at our own peril.