An Interview with Shantam Nityama
On Sexuality and Spirituality
A: Would you please describe what you do, Nityama?
Nityama: For the last twenty
years, I am a master body worker. During that time I have been a spiritual
mentor and in the last ten years I have been working mostly in the area of
sexuality. I originally came into the sexual work based on my spiritual
mentoring experience. Many people were coming to me wanting to develop their
spirituality but what I discovered is they were generally shut down,
repressed, and totally out of touch with their sexuality.
A: Why is it important to get clear about sex?
Nityama: I feel it is very
important for individuals at this time to become balanced in their sexual
energy. It is important to start to open up and take a look at deep fears,
guilt, shame, and all the different things going on with sex. One of the main
reasons is that a sexually liberated person cannot be exploited. So, on the
planet it is becoming quite crucial that we liberate ourselves sexually so
that we can take a totally different approach to how we live on the planet
and what we give our life force to. As long as you are conflicted within your
own self, as long as you are at odds with your own energy, there is no
possibility of you interacting in the world from a balanced place.
A: What are some of the first steps that both men and women can do to become clear about sex?
Nityama: One of the first things to do is take a look or assessment of where you are presently - your beliefs, your ideas, what concepts you hold about sex, and how are you in this point in your life living out your dance in regards to sex? How much of your assessment is borrowed information gathered from some other source - parents, girlfriends if you are a woman, from the locker room at school with your buddies if you are a man. How much of it is hearsay information that you attempted to function with? Then start to see, what is your relationship with men or women up to this point? Have they been healthy? Have they been growthful? If not, then look at the different areas in which you have been having difficulty. Take a close look at what your conditioning has been. What your ideas are about sex. In most instances I would say you would probably need to turn them 180 degrees to get anywhere near what is real. Because most conditioning on this planet is turned completely backwards.
A: I have worked with a lot of men and women and they know they have a lot of conditioning and know their ideas are backwards. They realize they have lost touch with their feminine and masculine energies and the feeling in their body. What would you say to a woman for example who has really lost touch with feeling her own beauty and sexual energy?
Nityama: The first thing is
the importance of her coming to a place to give herself permission like she
has never had permission before in her entire life. Giving herself permission
like no one else could give to have the opportunity to start to live her life
from a place of following her own energy. As an example: One day she walks
into a room and there is a man in the room who she is strongly attracted to
and she can see he is strongly attracted to her. Rather than engaging with
conversation or in some way with the man, she goes into another part of the
room and engages with someone else she has absolutely no energy with. A woman
needs to see how much fear and fear of rejection is dominating her behavior.
A: How do you start? When do you begin to feel again what is really your energy and what is borrowed?
Nityama: Whenever you are doing something that is borrowed you tend to rehearse it to make sure you have it right. If you are doing something authentically, you will actually hear it coming out of your mouth the first time as the person receiving your communication. This is authenticity. If I am a man coming to a woman and I am scared shitless because she is so beautiful, then if I am authentic I would say "You know what? I saw you from across the room and please forgive me if I stutter through this. But I needed to come over here and say to you that I totally appreciate what you have done with your womanhood. I don't need or want anything and I am scared shitless even to be standing here telling you, but I had to do it to be authentic to myself." Being willing to communicate what arouses you without rehearsing is a very powerful way to start being more authentic and feeling and following your energy.
A: I have met so many women who are not really sure about what is the essence of their feminine energy and the feminine power and beauty. Some women are tired and have lost touch with themselves. What is it that you find most authentic about women?
Nityama: I would say the most
beautiful basic or essential quality of woman is the depth of her
receptivity. We have totally underestimated or devalued the power of
receptivity. The power of being a vacuum and be able to suck the whole world
into your womb. This is a very powerful place to be that you could actually
contain the whole world in your womb and turn around and birth everything
back out of your womb.
A: What could you say to a man? Rejection is a very big issue for a lot of men. They fear they want to connect to a woman but they have been rejected so many times and turned away. You speak about men being invisible. What would you say to a man who has been rejected so many times? How could he get back to himself and feel his strength?
Nityama: First he would have
to come to a place where he finds great joy in being rejected. Being rejected
builds character and substance. You can almost know the men who have been
rejected because they generally will be the men that will have the greatest
ease with women. Because if he has been rejected over and over it has given
them the opportunity to totally refine and dance with women. They have tried
different things and have come to a woman, danced before her, seen that she
was totally baffled and then they eventually found a place where they were
capable of opening and allowing her to touch them through the rejection.
A: I have also met many women who have been disappointed over and over again by being with men. I feel a longing to feel his power and manliness. What would you say to a woman of how she can communicate with a man and guide him to become stronger?
Nityama: The first thing is
assisting the man or creating a space for a man to be able to come into his own
as far as his strength and his true maleness. To take a look as a woman to
see where are you actually constantly coming to him and pulling on the little
boy in him. Where are you pulling from the little girl in you? Where is the
little girl in you saying at every turn "Please don't be a man in the
room because I don't know if I can handle it." so I would suggest taking
a look at what she is actually communicating to the male in her presence. How
are you actually conditioning and programming him to stay away from his
A: Can you take that a little deeper and speak about the difference between sex and romance?
Nityama: Sex and romance never really meet. Romance is in a certain way like a created idea, a mind thing. Example: A man and a woman are being totally present sitting having dinner. A man is totally present sitting with a woman and so present with her and taking in every little nuance of her movement, every little movement of her lips, everything. It is because of his presence that he is taking this in. It is not like he is sitting and gawking at her. He is actually feeling as she moves how her movement cuts the air in the room. He is feeling how, as she breathes out, her breath ricochets through her body. He is that present and aware. Someone sitting at the next table notices this amount of awareness and how the woman is practically having shivers. She is practically orgasmic at the table. So the person sitting looking on thinks "How romantic". But for the two people involved this is not romance at all. This is called being present. Romance is almost unconscious therefore has developed as a way of mimicking someone who is present. From that standpoint I would say that sex is something that would come naturally through presence and authenticity. It could never be mimicked, never be performed. It has to be felt and directly experienced.
Sex comes out of authenticity and romance comes out of a mental attempt to displace something you are not actually in touch with.
A: If I come to one of your workshops or programs, what will I experience?
Nityama: One of the things I
do in a workshop is lay out a lot of the dynamics that go on between a male
and a female. You will get pretty specific instructions and ways in which the
man can start to develop his capability to interact with a woman in a way her
being understands. I will also give out quite a bit of information for the
woman as far as her gaining clearer understanding of how to even set an
atmosphere that would allow a man to come in and interact with her and stand
with her while she goes through her clearing process. You will get a lot of
information about different lovemaking techniques and how to enter into
lovemaking in such a way that allows clearing and clarifying the things that
have accumulated through the years. I will share things around the power of
heart-to-heart connection in lovemaking and how the actual genital regions
can be used to facilitate heart-to-heart nurturing.
I give in-depth instructions on how to hug. My nickname is Sir Hug-a-Lot. There are certain things in how to hug both from the standpoint of the man and of the woman. There will be the possibility of some actual techniques of how to use the hands and certain body related exercises and forms of stimulation and forms of moving energy through the body in order to be alive and awaken each other. And lots of laughter. I love laughter which is one of the most important aspects of any workshop. Having fun and enjoying life and celebrating life. I am also one who is pretty spontaneous at times, so any number of things could happen.
SHANTAM NITYAMA has led Tantric workshops internationally for the last 10 years. He co-facilitated workshops with Deborah Anapol, author of the book "Love Without Limits" and Founder of the Sacred Space Institute in San Rafael, CA., for six years before going solo. Nityama is also a master body-worker with 20 years experience in numerous healing modalities. His diverse background includes, Reiki Master, Polarity Therapy, Body Talk, Advanced Medical Qi Gong, Bowen Technique, Sex to Super Consciousness Training, Neuro-structural Integration Technique, and he was also a disciple of Tantric Master, Osho for 21 years. Nityama also leads a successful private practice in San Rafael, CA., where he offers sessions for men /women/couples, mentoring programs for men, and powerful energetic phones sessions for women.